By Kelly Myers, Co-Trainer for the Co-Parenting Specialist™ Training Program
Divorce changes many things, but one thing it cannot erase is the bond that comes with being parents.
No matter the relationship between two people after a divorce, if they share children, they will always be tied together in a unique way. Parenting doesn’t end when a marriage does, and as life unfolds, parents continue to face shared challenges, losses, and triumphs with their children.
This truth became heartbreakingly clear to me when I lost my son, Jack, at the age of 22.
Jack was vibrant, kind, and full of potential. His passing devastated me in ways I can hardly describe. It forced me to reexamine my relationship with his father, my co-parent, in ways I never expected.
We had to come together to plan Jack’s service, to grieve, and to honor him as only parents can. In doing so, I was confronted with the reality that, despite the grievances and conflicts of the past, we shared something profound: we had created this beautiful human being out of what was once love.
That realization shifted something in me.
In the wake of Jack’s loss, I realized how much my work as a co-trainer in The Co-Parenting Specialist™ Training Program had influenced my ability to navigate this experience. The training taught me to think differently about my relationship with my co-parent and the impact of that relationship on my boys and their sense of family.
It gave me the tools to understand how critical a healthy co-parenting relationship is—not just for minimizing conflict but for creating an environment where children can thrive. Those lessons gave me the clarity to approach my relationship with Jack’s father in a way that honored Jack’s memory and supported our surviving sons.
Life is short, and we owed it to our two surviving sons to find a better way to co-parent. They deserved parents who could set aside their differences to support them fully, especially in the aftermath of such a profound loss.
The petty grievances and unresolved anger I had carried for years suddenly seemed so small. What mattered was being there as a team for our children, in love and support.
I had to face some hard truths about myself. The struggles in our co-parenting relationship weren’t entirely the fault of Jack’s dad—I had my part in it, too. Losing Jack forced me to confront questions I hadn’t dared to ask before:
Did the conflict between his father and me contribute to his struggles?
Did he turn to self-medicating, and ultimately succumb to his addiction, as a way of coping with the discord in his family life?
I’ll never fully know the answers, but those questions have reshaped the way I approach co-parenting.
I don’t share this story to seek sympathy. I share it as a cautionary tale. I hope other parents can learn from my experience and choose a different path—one that prioritizes love and teamwork over anger and resentment.
Don’t let the time slip away in bitterness, as I did. Life is unpredictable, and we are never guaranteed the time we assume we have.
If you are co-parenting, I urge you to focus on what matters most: your children. They are your greatest shared treasure, and they deserve your best, together.
I am so fortunate that, despite our faults as co-parents, Jack’s father supported me through our loss with kindness and love. For that, I will always be eternally grateful. In our darkest time, we came together as a family to honor Jack, and that moment of unity has allowed us to refocus as a team for our other two sons. We are determined to provide them with the love and support we weren’t always able to provide for Jack.
To every divorced parent, my hope is this: find a way to come together for the sake of your children. Even when it feels impossible, even when old wounds resurface, remember that you share something extraordinary—the love for your kids. If the unimaginable happens, you’ll want to look back knowing you were a united front for your children, with no regrets about the time lost to anger or pain.
Jack’s memory lives on in every step I take to be a better parent and co-parent. Through his loss, and with the perspective I’ve gained from The Co-Parenting Specialist™ Training Program, I’ve learned that being a parent is a lifelong commitment, not just to your children but to the relationship that brought them into the world.
Honor that relationship, no matter how difficult, because your children are worth it. Always.
Learn more about Kelly and her work here and at her website: First Steps Divorce