By Laura Michelle Lorber
For the last two weeks, I’ve had the privilege of learning from Christina McGhee , Kelly Myers, CDC®, and Susan Guthrie through the Co-Parenting Specialist® Training. I am already working to integrate the tools and insights I gained. One of the exercises, rather embarrassingly, brought me to tears, and that too is being integrated into my work.
In the exercise, I was asked to reintroduce myself as a child. For me, that meant stepping back into the whirlwind of emotions and chronic stress I felt growing up with Dyslexia: fear, anxiety, embarrassment, feeling “othered.” I was often stuck in the center of the conflict between my mother, who took the attacks as attacks on her, and a teacher who misunderstood me.
In this exercise, I wasn’t just talking about how it felt – I embodied it. I realized that I wasn’t able to clearly follow the directions or take in what anyone said after I spoke. This is where the learning came in for me – it wasn’t just a pedantic exploration of why parents are emotional and not following along in the moment, I experienced the impossibility of the request.
Now, here is where I am starting to put it all together. I have been working for a few years now to bring mindfulness to my mediation clients. I kind of understood why it was important to me to share mindfulness, but that moment made it crystal clear.
Reflecting on this led me to write a new introduction in my Co-Parenting Mediation Blueprint workbook, in the section on Mindfulness and Stress Management Before, During, and After Mediation. It’s a reminder that when parents are in fight-or-flight, it’s almost impossible to think clearly or focus on their child’s needs.
I am also understanding that this is my mediator superpower. I’m unfazed by the chaos of conflict, and I can connect with parents on a human level, seeing past their facades to understand their needs. This allows me to engage with them in searching for creative ways to move from overwhelm to calm, workable solutions.
I recently saw this in action with Southern California Family Mediation. A mother in recovery and a father rebuilding his life after addiction were struggling with clashing work schedules and their daughter’s need for stability. It turned out that the parents had vastly different ways of integrating knowledge. Dad, a tattoo artist, had to learn by doing and with color – a whiteboard allowed him to think. Mom, in contrast, needed everything to be very clear, and she needed to see the big picture, not just one month. By honoring their different learning styles—visual whiteboarding for Dad, AI-generated calendars for Mom—we created a parenting plan that worked for both. After six hours of hard work, the relief and gratitude in the room made it clear: they were ready to keep their daughter “in the middle, not the center” – Thanks for the T-shirt phrase, Christine and Kelly!
My own experience of navigating chaos has become my strength as a mediator: I can meet parents’ needs when they care deeply about their children but struggle in conflict, allowing me to guide them toward clear, practical, and workable solutions.
Laura Lorber is an MC3 Certified Mediator, Certified Co-Parenting Specialist, and Program for Infant-Toddler Care (PITC) Fellow specializing in complex family matters including high-conflict co-parenting, interpersonal violence, and substance abuse cases. As Director of Development at Southern California Family Mediation, she mediates co-parenting plans for Los Angeles County Dependency Court families. She also mediates for the National Conflict Resolution Center and the California Department of Civil Rights. Laura grounds her practice in reflective, facilitative processes that prioritize children’s safety and family wellbeing.